Faithy and the Beast
by Ehlayah
Summary: Welp, Here you have it. The latest installment of the butchering of children's stories with the faith/selene parodies! Faithy and the beast! And for the first time ever. FUTURE CHAPTERS! Enjoy!M for future chapters!
1. Chapter 1

Wellll its been a while, im suffering an emmense writers block on my orginal novels. So to revamp (Heh see what i did there?) my ideas as well as go into something i have never done in my faith selene parodys.

More then one chapter.

I cant promise that this will be more then 2 or 3, but I CAN promise it will be the most romantic faith/ selene pairing parody AND Still have that humorous backround.

NOW ON WITH THE SHOW!

P.S YES there are TFS hellsing abridged refferneces in here. THANK YOU takahata and co!

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Once upon a time, a long while ago, there was a Beast.

She was a Great Beast, and lived in a Great Castle that stood in the middle of a Forest, and everybody in the country held the Beast in great fear. In fact everything about the Beast was great.

Selene:Oh this will be good. Faith as the beast.

They say that the beast was once a young madein, driven to transformations after the death of her to be cursed into one for her more wolvish forms.

Selene:Hold on a second...Faith never...

They say she went by another name once before. One that at one point struck fear into the wolf-men's kind. before she herself became infected, and forced her to become a Hybrid herself. Her name was not born 'beast' but Selene.

Selene: OH BLOODY HELL YOU DONT!How could you do this to me?!

Layah: Fuck you thats how.-clicks away holding the key to the needles room-

Selene, Greif stricken by the loss of her family, tossed anyone who asked for assistance out . When an old woman came, asking for shelter, with just a rose for payment. As she had done before. She Transformed, Attempting to scare the woman. The woman, angered by her actions, revealed herself to be a witch. One who cursed her into her current form by pricking her with the rose she had offered as payment. Only when she could share love with another, would she be able to break the curse. The rose was placed in a glass case, enchantments surrounding it to prolong its life. But once the last pedal dropped. She would remain the horrid beast for life.

Selene: The fleas...Theyre murder!

The beast over time, cast spells and traps throughout her forest, making it seem grave and uninviting. Never did she want to come across no one could ever love a beast.

Xander: Except me.

Dawn: -Pats Xander-

Willow: And me.

Kennedy: Not anymore you dont!-Places a neon 'lesbian' sign over willows head-

Faith: Great. I've been reduced to a furry.

Years passed, and the forest grew. A village was placed nearby. Inside the village lived many but none as fine as Faith.

Faith: Damn straight!

Faith lived in a cottage for the physical arts. Ran by their instuctor, angel. Angel was said to have possessed a power of strength.

Angel: Im a vampire.

Which no one could find the reason.

Angel: Im a vampire...

So many trained under him. To learn of his ways and maybe one day find why he was so damn strong.

Angel: I'm a... Nevermind.

One day Angel had been given a weeks warning to come up with enough cash for the morgage, or that the cottage would be shut down and everyone sent to live on the streets.

Angel had some fine jewels that he could sell to keep the place open. But it would take him a few days time to reach the village. Especially because for some reason, the sun bothered him.

Angel: ...Im not saying it again...

Angel wished his friends a farewell. While some wished for gifts, Faith gave him her cloak, to protect him. As well as the money she had. Angel thanked her kindly and went off on his way.

A few days passed and faith began to worry

"im going to go look for him." Faith had said looking to Giles . "You stay here. And if buffy showes up. Tell her to get her skinny blond ass off my porch before i kick it to next sunday."

The Giles nodded. cracking his knuckles in anticipation of kicking buffys ass. As Faith set off along the path.

Little did faith know, Buffy had saw her leave. She went to follow when she noticed, faith had been walking towards the dark forest. Even she would not enter. Buffy was the most sought after Woman in the small village, Men (And women) Fell at her feet in hopes that they would have a chance at catching her as a prize, being the chosen Slayer and all. But Buffy only had eyes for Faith, the Ultimate prize. Id she could win her. She would have everything. She would own everything. And maybe her friends would like her again.

Scoobies: Fat chance

Selene: Count down to Buffy's ass kicking, Commencing.-Presses button-

Faith followed the line to the forest. At times , she tried to turn back. Only to get lost again. She thought she heard howls, footsteps, creaking in the trees. It frightened her.

Faith: I fear nothing.

Layah: -glares- Pretend.

She walked faster and faster until she came across a huge castle. Faith was in Awe. It was so beautiful. The plants around it were lush and green. Everything looked perfect.

Selene: Best damn believe if im trapped in a castle im gonna make it look bomb awesome. I am afterall a dead sexy Death dealing Faith lover.

Thats when faith came across a wooden sign. Writing was chiseled into it which read...

_Dear Traveler,_

_I am Writing to Inform you of your Immanent demise._

_If your curious about the way i have displayed this message._

_Its simply to Instill as much fear IN YOU as possible._

_Like skinning a lycan, Which i will then proceed to wear as a coat._

_Thats right. IM GONNA WEAR THE FUCK OUTTA A LYCANS FUR._

_Sincerley,_

_The Selene._

_P.S Come on in if you like strawberry flavored pocky!_

Faith read over the sign a few times."Sounds legit." And continued walking along the path.

Faith: WHAT THE SHIT?!

Selene: Strawberry pocky!

Faith: I would never fall for a-

Selene: POCKY!

Faith: ...Just give me the damn pocky...

Faith walked along the cobblestone, gazing at the statues. At moments, she thought she saw a few move. But passed it off as her imagination. When she saw her cloak. Fear struck her. "Angel..."

She ran into the Castle, looking around in haste. "Angel! Angel where are you?!" She searched and searched but could not find her friend. She ran up the stairs, and down in the deepest dungeons. All seemed to be lost when she heard someone call her name. "Faith?"

It was angel. Faith followed the sound of his voice to a room where he had been encased by crosses. "Angel! Its me faith! How did you get in here?!"

"That'd be me."Said a voice from behind her.

A woman that was covered in blue fur, had a half muzzle and glowing yellow eyes Stared at faith. "And he was trespassing on my property."

Selene: Said like a baller *Snap*

Faith went to attack the woman, but was sent back by a force field. She stood shouting."What magic is this?!"

"As long as i am in this castle you cannot harm me, It is my curse to bare so i must bare it. Or die on my own." She walked passed faith and looked at angel. "This man came into my home as the sun came up. Without my permission. So i captured him, and sent him in here to rot. A fitting punishment for a crime?"

Faith shook her head. "I do not."

Selene glanced back at the woman."Oh? And what would you do with someone who broke into your home?"

Faith all but growled. "Let him go..."

Selene yawned, staring at faith. "Normally i would say no, But you see i am in a slight predicament. One that it quite time sensitive. If you agree to me then i will let him go. Even give him a nice sum of money to hold his tongue."

Faith looked at the woman for a moment. "Im listening..."

Selene turned to smirk at the woman. "You will agree to stay here with me, as my companion forever. You will do what i say and abide from my rules but most of all. " She took a step foreward so she was inches from the woman's face. "You will belong to me."

Faith: Yes Mr. Grey. I'll sign wherever you'd like.

"No faith! You dont understand! Dont do it!" Angel yelled.

Faith gritted her teeth and closed her eyes. "Fine...Ill do what you say..."

Selene smiled, unlocking the door. With a twist of her hand the door opened. with blinding speed, she grabbed angel, pulling him out and running him to the front door. Where she promply threw him out. with a horse and treasures waiting. "Dont let the door hit ya on the way out, Kaythnxbai!" With that she shut the door, locking it behind her.

Selene: I never... NEVER speak in text speak. Ever...

Faith looked out the window. "Wait! No angel! WAIT!" Faith watched the horse carry the man away. staring out into the abyss.

"That was a brave thing you did." Said this selene woman.

"I didnt even say goodbye..." Faith murmured.

Selene thought for a moment. 'Oh, well. Your room will be in the east wing. Pick any door you wish. I expect you dressed and ready for dinner in one hour...THIS IS NOT A REQUEST!

With that, Selene left faith in the dungeon to collect herself and to think about what had just transpired. Faith looked to the ground. thinking about angel. Atleast he'd be able to keep his cottage with the money the beast gave him. then something hit her.

"Wait...Theres no POCKY HERE!" Faith said in rage.

End of pt 1


	2. Chapter 2

Faith sat in her room, she had cried until the last tear escaped and she could cry no longer.

Faith- I will kill you with fire.

She thought of Angel, of her home in the town, and yes-even of Buffy. Would she come looking for her? No, and even if she did even the thought of Buffy's face pericing her personal bubble made her want to hurl.

Faith rose , walking around the room. She paced back and forth trying to gather her thoughts.

"Dressed for dinner..."She looked down at her clothes. She grunted. There were holes and the cloth was tattered. She did not mind but she was sure the Selene would.

But why did she care so much? The Selene was holding her against her will.

Selene: I'm not too sure how much 'against her will' is going on here.

Faith: -Noms on Pocky- I found some in the drawer...

Faith moved over to an old upright, lilac colored dresser. Turning the nob , She saw an array of dresses all the caliber of a princess. "Oh hell no.." She groaned. "I will not be wearing something from a Disney Princess movie."

Ehlayah: : D

"But M'lady, this is what the all powerful, all awesome , all great Selene has chosen for her...Erm. Guest?" said a very flamboyant voice coming from inside of the room.

Faith's head shot up as she searched the room. "Who's there?"

Clanking could be heard ,sounds of china and other objects seemed to be falling behind a poorly lit curtain.

"Now you've done it!" Said the voice of a woman.

"Yeah now Selene is going to play 'kick the cup' again and its entirely your fault!" Said a growling woman's voice.

"Hold on a second..." Faith went over to the curtains and pulled them back. A teapot, and a chipped cup seemed to be attacking a wind up clock. "Willow? Ken? And erm..."

The wind up clock was thrown into the wall as he hobbled back up, figuratively brushing himself off."Andrew..thats okay, everyone forgets about Andrew. I'm just the silent avenger..just like Bruce Banner before he gets all hulky..."

"Oh yeah..And Andrew..." Faith paused for a moment before looking back to the Teapotted willow and cupped Ken. "What happened to you guys?!"

Kennedy Rolled her eyes. "It was all Dawn and Xander's idea. They just wanted to go for a-" Started hopping around like she was prancing. Her voice went up an octave. " -Nice little stroll in the happy brightly lit woods.."

The Willow teapot bumped into Kennedy. " Oh stop it Ken. You know you were just as up to see what the big bad in the forest was. If i remember correctly you said something along the lines of . 'Screw the sign I want the pocky.' "

Kennedy Huffed, mumbling under her breath.

Faith fought back a laugh. Well atleast she wasnt completely alone. "Wait a sec, You said Xander and Dawn were here? "

Andrew nodded. "Yes, They're the Candle stick and the Duster... but god only knows where they are..."Andrew took a moment of silence before piping up again. "Oh and spike is here too!"

Faith rose an eybrow. "Spike? How did he get into the group?"

The three shrugged "I guess he just followed us." they said in unison.

Faith grinned. "So what is he?"

The three looked to each other uneasily, then all turned to the brightly painted, lilac , upright dresser with the princess dresses in it.

Ehlayah: Wait for it...

Selene: -High Fives Ehlayah-

Faith looked over to the dresser, it took her a moment before she put two and two together. Sure enough a pair of eyes that belonged to spike appered at the top. This sent her over the edge. She hit the ground with a thud rolling on the ground with laughter.

"Oh shut your bloody rachet face before i fall on you..." Spike shouted in anger.

"Remember what Selene did to you the last time you tried to fall on someone in revenge?" Kennedy piped up.

"She turned him into a Dresser. What could be worse then that?..." Faith asked curiously, now sitting on the floor.

There was a long pause before spike spoke next. "I used to be brown..."

This just sent Faith into another flurry of laughter.

...

-Meanwhile in the dining room-

Selene paced back and forth, growling annoyed. "Where is she?!" Selene boomed. "I Told her to be down here for dinner!"

A cowering Andrew who had come down at the request of Selene squeaked out. "She says...She says..."

Selene stopped pacing to stare at him."Yes?"

Andrew gulped. 'Shes..Not coming."

An immense roar could be heard throughout the castle as Selene ran to Faiths room banging on the door. "COME OUT NOW!" She shouted. "OR LET ME IN!"

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!" Faith quipped.

Selene: Wrong fic.

Ehlayah: Meh, perfect opportunity.

Selene growled. "Well WHY?! Wont you come OUT!"

Just then the door opened and a horde of pink and pastel fluffy dresses came out, slamming into Selene. The door Slammed shut shortly after. "I AM NOT WEARING THOSE!" (In the background Spike could be heard profusely thanking Faith for ridding him of his Tu-tu problem)

Selene growled. 'Well then.." She said trying to regain her composure. "Just come in what you have now?"

Another bout of silence filled the area. "Nah, I got me some pocky!"

Selene roared in anger. "FINE THEN! HAVE IT YOUR WAY!" She punched the wall. "If you will not eat with me you will starve!"

In a rush, Selene left the hall stomping down the stairs.

Inside of the room, Faith chomped on the strawberry sticks of yumminess and shrugged. "Whatever!"

...

Selene stormed up to the east wing tower, Inside the room was all but in ruins. All except for a single wilting red rose, carefully guarded underneith a glass cover. It seemed to be the only time she seemed calm. Next to the incased rose, there was a hand held mirror.

Selene: Mirror Mirror on the -Twack-

Faith: Again ALREADY DONE!

Selene picked up the mirror, staring into it. "Show her to me." She said softly.

The image of Faith sprouted up, she sat in the room laughing with her enchanted friends. It made her skin boil with anger. But then again, these were faith's friends. Taking a deep breath, Selene placed the mirror down. She knew what she had to do.

She searched the tower through the rubble and brought out what looked like a nobleman's suit. It was a navy blue top with a ruffled white shirt underneath. The pants were pitch black and had white accents around the boarders. Selene stared at them for a moment before picking up a piece of parchment and a quill. Scribbling something on the paper, and pinning it to the folded suit.

This girl was Selene's last hope.

Selene quietly snuck to the door of Faith, Placing the folded clothes and note infront . She rose her hand to knock, but thought twice about it. Lowering her hand, she left the scene without drawing attention to herself

Little did Selene know , She had been seen. Candle holder Xander and Duster Dawn had witnessed the action , and smiled to each other.

Slipping through the vents, both Xander and Dawn entered the room. "Hey there faithy!" Xander cheered.

"Xander! Dawn!" Faith said, chowing down on the last pocky stick. "Its like the scooby gang without the Buffyinfection. "

The group laughed at the joke, the mood in the room becoming more and more comfortable.

"Oh, and Faith." Dawn said with a smirk. "I think theres something at the door for you."

Faith raised a brow. "Is it more pocky?"

"No." Dawn and Xander both said together.

Faith then fell back onto the floor, her arms above her head laying in a comfortable position. "And like that you lost me."

The two looked at each other and grimaced. "Well the other reason why were here is to round up the troops"Xander said in a grunt "...I guess we have to go clean up the kitchens tonight..."

The group groaned.

"Except for me!" Spike said excited.

Willow looked up to spike. "Yeah because your a pretty pretty princess dresser..."

The group left before Spike could fully get into his 'ruddy sodden puss balls of filth' rant. Leaving Faith to Endure the brunt of it.

"I juss dont get why she made me Lilac of all colors!" He finally finished.

"Yeah, thats the 15th time you mentioned in in the last half hour." Faith said groaning. "So, why were you following the scoobs in the first place?" Faith Asked curiously.

Spike sighed. "Cause, Lil bit always gets in trouble with Captain Morgan over there. Don get me wrong. I hate Buffy 'n all but Dawn's like me sister."

Faith Nodded, understanding. Just then he stomach growled. It seemed she needed further substance then pocky. She growled in frustration. "Great, now i'm hungry."

"You heard what Selene said, You eat with her or not at all." Spike said mocking Selene's tone. "And trust me, you get on her bad side she'll-"

"-Paint me Lilac i get it!" Faith interrupted. Sitting up, she went to the door. "Like hell i'll starve here." She said putting her hand on the doorknob.

"I wouldn do that.."Spike warned.

"Shes long gone soul boy. Time for Faith to get her snack on..." Faith opened the door expecting to see scattered dresses around where she threw them. Instead, there laid a small suite with a note attached. Curious, Faith stepped out to retrieve them. Taking off the note, she read the note, only a sentence in all.

Be my Guest.


End file.
